There are two classifications of men in this world: men who have a heart for marriage, and men who do not desire a wife. Knowing this, I recently asked myself this question, “Is one choice better than the other?” Is it better for a man to trade the responsibility of being a husband for a lifelong commitment to better his craft? Or is every man bound by life’s ritual process of searching, courting, and marrying a woman? 

Now, there are guys who avoid marriage simply because of their vague difference between women and Pokemon. The game of “gotta’ to catch them all” is a principle of life for them, so I refrain from speaking on that mindset throughout this entry.

Choosing Not To Marry

By moral standards, society has built a stigma around men who live a life of solitude, claiming them as men who fear commitment. But as I observe a few men in my life that aren’t married (or have been divorced,) they’ve shown themselves to be some of the most dedicated people I know. One of those men consistently commits countless hours to a community program, offering his gift to influence younger males. Even in biblical times, many men also decided not to pursue marriage because of their commitments to their work. The most popular of these men being Paul. He taught that if we as men have the ability to remain single, we should be faithful to the gift.

“I wish that all of you were [single] like me, but God has given different gifts to each of us. Here is my advice for people who have never been married and for widows. You should stay single, just as I am. But if you don’t have enough self-control, then go ahead and get married. After all, it is better to marry than to burn with desire.”

–  1 Corinthians 7:7-9

Respectively, when I first read that I felt like Paul was lowkey bragging on himself. The lines that read “You should stay single, just as I am. But if you don’t have enough self-control, then go ahead and get married. After all, it is better to marry than to burn with desire” could EASILY be a punchline in a rap battle. So after realizing that Paul was the Drake of his era, I wrapped my Meek mind around his words to truly understand what he was saying. 

Hopefully I have more guys reading this entry to create an honest dialogue, but the truth of the matter is that sex is one of the hardest desires to control as a man. Even when compared to money, success, or any other temptation that this world provides, sex can easily take control of a man’s mind and spirit. We’re naturally gifted to create a sexual desire, but Paul is saying that without self-control, those desires can get you in trouble. And I agree. I don’t believe that Paul only thought of marriage as a sexual contract between husband and wife, but I do understand that he used sex as an example to show how marriage can help us improve traits in our lives that we aren’t capable of doing alone.

The Choice To Marry

I grew up in a household with my (married) parents and saw firsthand the benefits of having a committed partner that understood the best and worst of you. They fought hard, like any couple would, but when the dust settled, they loved each other even harder. The image of marriage is multiplied even more by the 50+ years that BOTH SETS of my grandparents have with each other.

Outside of family, I have friends that are recently married. Most notable is my close friend Willie P. I’ve known Willie since my early college years, and that relationship graced me with getting to know his now wife, Jessica. I have so much respect and love for them solely because of how they work as a team in all areas in life. I honestly didn’t understand it at first; how he was so committed to her through a long distance relationship while we were in school. But I had to mentally mature to see the benefits that they provided one another. And now that they have a baby, everything prior to baby Paris was just practice. I can’t image baby Paris being raised by Jessica without Willie, nor by Willie without Jessica. They’re a team. A real life Popeye & Olive Oil, Dwayne & Whitley, Cliff & Clair. I honor them for showing me that.

I’m man enough to admit that life is hard. With over 7 billion people in the world, I’m convinced that we weren’t made to do this alone. Although there are benefits to singleness, there are also benefits to pledge your life to a spouse. Ultimately, your choice depends on your purpose.

If you want marriage, work towards it! Read books on relationship techniques, watch the traits of veteran couples, understand the wholeness of yourself so no one (not even a potential wife) can shake your spiritual core. But If you believe marriage isn’t for you, I would recommend knowing what it is that you will commit your life to, and work towards it! Either way, find happiness and love within you…then share it with your wife, community, and/or family.

-RJ3