Love. The most complicated, yet natural ability we have as humans. We are taught that it’s a feeling for the select few in our personal circle. Though there’s truth in emotional love, there’s also an extension of love that most don’t experience or practice. In 2013 I questioned what love was and if I’ve truly loved anyone wholeheartedly. Just like most men in their mid-late 20’s, I dealt with the feeling of love, but I was convinced that there had to be more to it than the basic routine of falling for a partner and loving family because you have to. If the emotions of loving someone is too unpredictable for a long lasting commitment, what truly keeps keeps us loving one another?
Love is…
…a Choice
Contrary to the lifestyles that Hollywood storytelling portrays, no one is perfect. So if love was based on emotions that change as much weather does, love would technically be a lie. Meaning that it would be ok to turn love on and off based on the chance of you having your morning coffee. A choice needs to be made that love will be a characteristic trait, not determined by convenience. Choosing to love someone means that you’ll put their intentions above yours without any conditions…theoretically. We’re imperfect, made to be accepted and loved, but our imperfection causes us to hide our faults and expect perfection out of others, which makes us further from perfection. The irony.
…a Compounded Word
I use to believe that love isn’t enough to keep people together, and I was wrong. Well, right in concept…but wrong in my explanation. Back then, I thought I knew what I wanted from a relationship…I didn’t. And even worst, everything we thought was needed to make the relationship work didn’t matter. So I assessed the relationship to figure out the essentials needed for two people to fully take advantage of love. What I found out was that love is a compounded word. Meaning that when you make the statement “I love you,” it could mean 1 million things but the receiver of the statement understands what the phrase should implies. By default, it compounds caring, compassion, time, and/or service, but I’ve seen and experienced a total of 10 elements that make up what we call love:
10 Elements of Love
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- Trust
- Knowledge/Understanding
- Loyalty
- Grace/Forgiveness
- Sacrifice
- Service
- Time
- Communication
- Intimacy
- Gifts
Some of you may notice that the final half of the list are the “5 Love Languages,” but if you aren’t familiar with this book I highly recommend you read and research the theory. Knowing how you receive and give “Love Languages” can be a key aspect to any relationship.
Since late 2013, I been saying “love ya” more frequently to friends and family. Do I share the 10 elements with all of them? Not at all. But I know that everyone deserves to be loved in some way, and by identifying elements that make love I can say it freely, knowing the weight of the statement won’t create discomfort. With some people, I may only have 3 elements of love for, while others (like family or a spouse) might have 9 or all 10 elements of love. Should everyone I ever meet get all 10 elements? Honestly, I don’t think so. Love is a responsibility that does have a natural limit; it’s only so much you can give before you begin to involuntarily wear yourself out. Chose wisely.
…a Commandment
There are 2 verses that I continuously base my look of love on:
1 Corinthians 13:13
“Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.“
Matthew 22:36-40
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law? Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Reading these, it’s clear that we all are made for one purpose…love. To love God, others, and yourself. How we execute that purpose is where our gifts and ability make us different. Even the order of the priority of love is interesting to understand. The greatest commandment, love God. Second, love your neighbor as yourself. My perspective on how people show love has changed since reading this (especially when multiplied with the 5 Love Languages.) I’m seeing that most people find it hard to love others because it may be even harder to love themselves. Submitting to other’s needs instead of selfish intentions isn’t a popular choice, but it’s one that I believe has more significance. Executing love fulfills every ounce of purpose in my life. I can honestly say, my goals and dreams for material possessions has a significant lower priority than loving God first, his people second…then myself third.
With love, faith, & hope,
